A Framework to improve your relationship Communication

No. 05 — June 23rd, 2023

This is The Friday Journal, a weekly newsletter where I provide actionable ideas to help you build a high-performing, healthy, wealthy life and share what I’m pondering and exploring.

Feel free to forward this along to friends!

Today at a Glance: 

• A Framework to Improve the Relationship Communication

• A Video I Liked

• Quote of the Week

• An Article I Read

• The Story of Marcus Aurelius

This one is a 4-minute read, So get your coffee ready, and let's get started!

A Framework to Improve the Relationship Communication

I'm a fixer, I always try to fix things up. When anyone comes to me with a problem, the first thing I do is try to fix it. This is good if used professionally, but if used personally, it doesn't have to always be good.

Over the years, my fixing personality led to a lot of tense moments and arguments with my wife, family, and my friends. Whenever they come to me with a problem, I just start the process of analyzing and deconstruction the problem and then offering a potential solution. And I always found it strange when they just reject my solutions or even getting angry at me for offering them.

It took me a long time to realize that sometimes, people actually don't want a solution, and they just want someone to be there with them.

The "Helped, Heard or Hugged" Framework is very helpful in the handling of these situations by giving the other person what they actually need in a situation.

I first read about it in an NYT Well article by Jancee Dunn and have been using it ever since.

The framework is simple:

When someone comes to you with a problem, you just ask, "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?

• Helped: Analyze the problem and find potential solutions.

• Heard: Listen intently and allow the other person to express.

• Hugged: Provide a comforting hug. Touch is a powerful love language for many. They just want to feel your presence with them.

The idea is to ask the question to create a mutual awareness of what is needed in the situation. After a while, it should become easy to recognize what they need without asking.

If you've ever struggled to appropriately identify what your partner, friend, or family member needs in a situation, give the "Helped, Heard, or Hugged" Framework a shot. 

Sam

A Video I liked

7 Life Lessons School Didn’t Teach You by Ali Abdaal - Link

Ali Abdaal is a well-known content creator, entrepreneur, and medical doctor based in the United Kingdom. He gained popularity through his YouTube channel, where he shares insightful videos on topics such as productivity, study techniques, personal development, and entrepreneurship.

In this video, he shares 7 life lessons that schools didn't teach us. These invaluable insights are derived from engaging conversations with people who have all had really interesting lives he spoke with on his podcast "Deep Dive".

This is a good video that you should watch.

Quote of the week 

"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday." - John Wayne

The only competition is You vs. yesterday's You.

An Article I read 

3 Rules to Express Your Thoughts So That Everyone Will Understand You​ - Link

Some valuable guidelines to enhance your communication skill that are relevant for everyone:

1. Keep your points concise and never make more than three points.

2. Break down complex ideas by explaining them in three different ways.

3. Reinforce important messages by repeating them three times.

This is a recommended read if you aim to enhance your communication abilities—a goal that should be prioritized by all of us!

The Story of Marcus Aurelius 

Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and renowned Stoic philosopher, lived a life filled with trials and triumphs.

Born in 121 AD, Marcus grew up in a world of political intrigue and power struggles. Despite his privileged upbringing, he faced numerous challenges that shaped his character and his approach to life.

At a young age, Marcus found solace in philosophy, particularly the teachings of Stoicism. He immersed himself in the works of influential philosophers like Epictetus and Seneca, seeking wisdom and guidance to navigate the complexities of his role as Emperor. Stoicism taught him to focus on what he could control, cultivate inner calmness, and embrace the impermanence of life.

As Emperor, Marcus faced numerous crises, both within the empire and on its borders. He confronted wars, rebellions, and natural disasters that threatened the stability and prosperity of Rome. Amidst these challenges, Marcus displayed resilience and a steadfast commitment to his principles.

Throughout his reign, Marcus emphasized the importance of moral integrity, justice, and duty. He believed in leading by example and sought to govern with wisdom and compassion. His dedication to fairness and the well-being of his subjects earned him the admiration of many.

In his private writings, later published as "Meditations," Marcus reflected on his personal struggles, doubts, and aspirations. These reflections revealed his constant pursuit of self-improvement, his inner battles with vices and temptations, and his unwavering commitment to virtue.

Marcus Aurelius left behind a legacy of wisdom and philosophical insights that continue to inspire people today. His teachings on embracing life's challenges, finding serenity within oneself, and living in accordance with one's values remain timeless.

The story of Marcus Aurelius serves as a reminder that even in the face of adversity, we can strive for personal growth, moral integrity, and inner peace. His life shows how philosophy can help us navigate the complexities of life and motivate us to live with purpose and goodness.

That's it.

Enjoy your week and see you soon!

Cheers, 

Sam 

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