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- The first habit to build a happy successful life
September 8th, 2023
This is The Friday Journal, your weekly dose of inspiration that helps you build a fulfilling high-performing healthy, and successful life. Each week I share my thoughts on what I’m pondering and exploring, providing you with valuable insights and actionable ideas.
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The last month was the most important in my life, my wife had an operation, and because of that, I was very busy, giving all the time to my family before I could get back to work. So, my apologies for not writing for a long time, but I'm sure you understand my reasons!
But I promise you some great stuff coming. I'm back full of energy and I have a lot to tell you!
I'm excited to be back and continue the Pursuit of Happiness and Success series, and today I'll introduce you to the first habit that you need to become a happy successful person.
If you didn't read the last issues, you can read them here:
This is a 5-minute read.
Before we dive in, grab a cup of something comforting, and let's get started!
The Power of Habits
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to effortlessly achieve their goals while others struggle? The answer often lies in the habits they've cultivated.
Habits are the small, consistent actions that shape our lives, often operating beneath our conscious awareness. They influence everything from our productivity and health to our relationships and overall well-being.
There's an extraordinary potential that lies within the everyday habits we cultivate — Imagine if you could have the power to create the life you desire. Well, It's possible, you just need to build habits.
Effective Habits
Building effective habits has three pillars:
Knowledge - What to do and Why
Skills - How to do it
Desire - Want to do it
The intersection of these pillars is the habits that shape your character and eventually your life.
The Change
Life is hard, and it is for almost everyone, and that makes our choices limited, We all want to change, and we try to change the circumstances to live a more successful, happier, and better life, and that's actually what we should be doing, it's human instinct, we evolve and develop ourselves to live better.
But most people don't understand change, and just look for a fast result which usually feeds the need for satisfaction and gives a hit of dopamine but in the long run, it's not helping, and it could be even more damaging.
But there's always a way to get what we desire.
"Every problem is a gift. Without them, we wouldn't grow." - Tony Robbins
All the problems we are usually facing now happened before and people passed them and succeeded. If you read the biographies of any of the greatest people who ever existed, you'll find their lives were full of problems and challenges, but they learned how to change and adapt to be able to solve them and move on.
Before, I was totally lost and trying to find happiness in life, I spent all my youth working hard and trying to succeed professionally but neglecting my mental health and social life, and with every milestone I reached I still felt the urge for more, and felt less happy. I felt that there's something still missing
This feeling of unhappiness in my life led to damaged relations, a divorce, and eventually the feeling of total loss.
Until one day I read Stephen Covey's book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", and it changed my life.
I then understood that all that time I had the choice of how to live my life in my hands, and it was me who chose that unhappy life. It was then that I decided to take control over my life and start changing, but I knew it wouldn't be easy to change, especially with all these wrong ingrained ideas that I've built through my life from education, the media I'm consumed in and all the social influence and norms we're guided by.
I finished Stephen Covey's book and I loved it, so I started studying human behaviors and relationships to understand more about human psychology and capabilities, and still studying and learning every day.
That's why I started this series about Human behavior, relationships, and the pursuit of happiness and success. I choose all the content very carefully so that it would be valuable, and help people change and live the lives they desire.
This series is a summary I made from Stephen Covey's book and my studies and readings in Human Science.
A long intro, I know! So, Let's get straight to the point.
The First Habit (Be a Proactive Person)
Simply put, life is a choice, and so is happiness and sadness. We choose how we want to live.
How many times have we seen people whose life is very hard because of a disease (Cancer, blindness, disability, etc.) but they're still happy and full of positivity?
If you ask them how they can be like this, they will tell you that they chose to be like this.
It's a choice, and it's all connected to the surrounding circumstances.
There are two types of circumstances:
Circumstances you can't control (The Circle of Concern)
The weather, the traffic, the economy, how news is reported in publications and on social media, the decisions made by governments, the values and practices of your workplace, what other people say and how they say it, how other people choose to interpret what we say and do, the underlying agendas and motivations held by other people, etc.
Circumstances you can control (The Circle of Influence)
How you talk about yourself and others, how you look after your body and make time for relaxation and working out, how you act when you feel worried, how you challenge and reframe your thoughts, the choices you make, the habits and routines you set, where do you get your news from, the people you follow on social media, when it is time to say “No” or “Not right now”, and how kind you are to others and yourself, etc.
And, there are two types of persons as well:
A Reactive Person (Lives in the Circle of Concern)
A Proactive Person (Lives in the Circle of Influence)
Types of Circumstances
The Reactive person is always in the circle of concern and concentrating on the circumstances that he can't control or do anything about, and always blaming others or the circumstances for his life and being the victim (It's my boss, my partner's fault, it's because of my parents, I don't have money, I work hard that I don't have time, etc.). This person is unhappy and can't change his life.
The Proactive Person is a person who's always in the Circle of Influence and concentrating on the circumstances that he can control, he's a person who always takes responsibility for his actions and failures (Yes I did that wrong, I didn't do the necessary work to succeed, I don't have time because I didn't learn time management, etc.), and whenever he sees that there's something he can or need to do, he always find a way to do it. This type of person is capable of changing and choosing how to live his own life and eventually, becomes a happy person.
How to know if you're a Proactive or a Reactive person?
Simply, from the way we talk, we can know if we're a Proactive or Reactive person.
For example, people who say "I can't do anything about it" or "There's nothing in my hands", are Reactive people.
On the other hand, people who say "Let me see what I can do", "I'll find something", or "There must be something that I can do", are Proactive people.
How to start Change?
First, you need to know whether you’re a Proactive or Reactive person.
If you are a Proactive person, you’re ready to change and start building habits. (The sky is your limit!)
But if not, no worries and you still can change.
You just need to start by changing how you see the world, and your paradigms or Perspectives. (Read the previous issue about the Key to change here then follow the next point)
To sum it up, the first habit you need to build is to (Be a Proactive Person):
You need to change your paradigms or perspectives, but change starts from within, the inside out. A mind shift from “I can’t do this” to “How can I do this” prepares you to change and become a Proactive person. Read The Art of Seeing Life Differently
Make decisions on matters within your control, but first, you need to identify things that are in your circle of concern and the things in your circle of influence
Make a list of all the things that you are concerned about, for example:
Economy
Your health
Your attitude
Your behavior
What you buy
Political issues
Social Media feeds
What you watch/read
Other people’s behavior
Who do you surround yourself with
On a large sheet of paper, draw a big circle, this is your Circle of Concern.
Then, on the same sheet of paper draw a smaller circle inside the large Circle of Concern. This new circle is your Circle of Influence.
Take a look at the long list of things you wrote and put all those things you can do something about inside the small Circle of Influence and all those you can't do anything about inside the Circle of Concern.
Once you have completed this exercise, sit back and make a conscious effort only to concentrate on the items written in your Circle of Influence.
This can be a powerful exercise, especially when you feel like things are getting on top of you, you’re worrying or you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Often you will realize that you can influence much more than you thought, or see that you’re worrying about things you can’t control or do anything about, and this will change your attitude and response to them.
That’s it for today!
Until then,
Enjoy your week and I wish you the best on your journey of change!
Cheers,
Sam
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